Tuesday, February 2, 2010

This will make a hell of a lot of sense to those who it pertains





For those of you who really wanna know what my mind sounds like and feels like:
This song can really sum it up.
I have been eating a lot of meals alone lately... in fact I have been spending a lot of time alone lately. I enjoy myself in other words. I enjoy sorting through my battling thoughts; I enjoy fighting you. Is it worth it, is it a dead end. I mean I live in New York City how many millions of people surround me, how many looks do I get a day, how many people are going through the exact same thing, how many people don't give a shit, how many people walk by me and remember my face? I mean I know there are some people I met once, years ago or briefly encountered, and something about them left a lasting impression that I still fantasize about to this day. I know a lot of times I think about so many things and all the options that I often make myself quite unhappy because I cant have it all, I cant do it all.  Did you know you live alone? did you know no matter how many people are around you... you are still alone?? Did you know that no matter how much you care and how much you give some people just never give back? did you know that all though I live with millions of people I think about only a few? Did you know that I want to dedicate all my time to school, but did you know I also want to stay in bed all day? Did you know nature calls me, the woods, the trees? Something about their cover and their threat of losing yourself entices me; I mean what can you lose when you are already lost.  Think about exerting all your energy into something and to wake up one day and realize its completely pointless. How do you pull out? Do you pull out? Pulling out what a funny concept. I just drank 3 beers alone over a big dinner I skipped out on my last class. I sketched logos for my name, I sketched logos for Belle and Company, I hated myself for being so devoted, I wanted to succeed. 
You live once. I lived once, I live now.
To have been apart of my life for all of uni, for all of many experiences its something large to say that despite the sea I live in I see one, I see solitary stance, I see what I want, but it is so far away so very far away all I know is I want.... no I deserve the full attention not some half assed bullshit painted across the internet and then vomited into some formulated diction and syntax that I can pick apart in a heartbeat. I can read the signs 
I wanna be free again I wanna let go but I dont know how

This song is good 
This song is funny and makes it all better in fact I am listening to it now
yours truly 
take it at face value
L

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